Thursday, 19 September 2013

How to Stop Jealousy Killing Your Relationship

Being the green-eyed monster in a relationship is horrific and so is dating one.

I can guarantee you that letting your jealousy show is a fail-safe way to lose your dignity, dismantle your self-esteem and frankly ruin a good part of your life!

Nothing will kill a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. It creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate and fear. No one thinks clearly when they're jealous.

Having a relationship with a jealous person is no fun either. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even transforming them from lover and supporter, to enemy.

No one wants a jealous partner and no one likes being jealous. So how come so many people are?

In my experience there are a number of reasons but the primary cause is a breakdown in communications and this usually happens for one of two reasons:

Something has changed and for some reason you don't feel able to communicate openly and honestly anymore.

Or perhaps one or both partners are withholding information out of anger, hurt or even just plain thoughtlessness.

Both situations create communication "black-holes" which are then easily filled with fear, fury and fantasy.

Communication vacuums lead to a load of tough questions from the jealous partner:

Have they found someone they like better than me?

Are they cheating on me?

Are they going to leave me?

Have they found someone richer, younger, funnier and more attractive than me?

When you're jealous you assume the worst:

Maybe he/ she will fall in love with their personal trainer and leave me.

Maybe they fancy someone at work and are having an affair.

They aren't answering their phone because he or she is too busy flirting, talking to or shagging someone else.

I bet you felt pretty stupid too when they come in from the supermarket carrying loads of bags or the reason they didn't answer the phone was because they were in the loo or in a meeting at work.

We sure make life tough for ourselves sometimes there really is no need.

Don't get me wrong it is good to have a little bit of jealousy in a relationship as it shows you care about each other but don't let it overpower your relationship and your thoughts.

So how do you handle these awful feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?

First if you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Don't be aggressive, defensive, confrontational or prickly.

Second, and just as important, you have to stop looking thirsty for reassurance. How on earth can your partner respect you if you don't respect yourself enough to control your fears and paranoia?

Thirdly, you have to remind yourself why you are together in the first place and understand that a relationship is only worth keeping alive if you CAN trust each other. If that trust is gone then maybe it's time to move on.

Remember, jealousy is a sign of weakness and fear. In the end the fastest way to kill the green-eyed monster has nothing to do with your partner and everything to do with you.

When you have great self-esteem, jealousy has no choice but to pack it's bags and leave town!